I've never understood why people engage in hazing practices before. It seemed so unnessisary and acomplishes so little. I say I've never understood it before, because this week we found out our flat (which is surely the most spiritually overpowered flat of all time) is staying the same except for one important change. We're getting a flat trainee. Technically Elder Ham is his trainer, but just as our flat shares the cereal and Laundry Detergent we made Elder Ham buy, the new missionary belongs to the whole flat. We're all his trainer. And brothers and sisters, mere moments after finding out we were training, I had the sudden, indescribably strong urge come over me. To haze the new missionary. So we hid his bed in our closet. I know it sounds like that violates the 8th, but he's not from America so he's not guaranteed to the same unalienable rights. Also, in my defense, I'm a slave to the envormnet in which I was raised, where my older brother one time turned my entire bed vertical just cause I didn't put away the dryer balls. And HE'S the one who took the dryer balls out of the dryer. But now I'm the one stirring up trouble.
Good morning to all of you except those of you who take the dryer balls out of the dryer. To you, I can only say, there will be dire consequences. Thanks for taking the time to start reading this email. This week felt like two weeks that were both way shorter than even one week should be. It's impossible to describe it, so if you want to understand I encourage you to go on a mission.
Crazy People
- Our new flatmate Elder Maxton. He's crazy awesome ha ha. He's from scotland, and is super spiteful and always roasting us in his scottish accent which somehow hits 100x harder. He also says stuff like "half-nine" for Nine-thirty and "refrence incoming" when he's about to refrence something. He also sometimes says "bits and bobs" which is how much personal study you do when you don't have a lot of time. British humor is by far my top 1 favorite kind.
- We had a lesson with a guy who kept repeating how he had "lots of questions" and how every answer just brought him "more questions," but after spending an hour and a half with him I've decided that the reason he has so many questions is because he doesn't give the poor missionaries (who are just trying to answer every question with "Jesus" anyway) any chance to answer! Instead he just explained why any answer we provided would be invalid, and repeated "so I have lots of questions." We went to his house at 8, and at 9 our whole zone was freaking out because we weren't home yet. (we were supposed to be on a call where they told us transfer news. Don't worry, I won't make you sit through anything similar.) We finally got out around 9:20 and had to sprint home to avoid incuring the wrath of President.
- Not a crazy person unfortunatly, but we taught an old inactive member this week about God, and when we told him God knew everything he got super excited. He asked if God knew all the martial arts movies, and I assured him He did. The guy we were teaching got super excited about that, and then asked if God knew everyone in Utah. He does. The guy asked if God knew everything on the internet. I promised that God knew even that. The guy sat back with an amazed look and just said "Wooow!" I honestly think all of us should react a little more like that guy when we think about the fact that God knows everything. Possessing all knowledge is such a mind boggling trait, and it's a comforting one too. That's a God I can worship. God even knows all the people in Utah. (That's YOU!)
New Zealand Signs That I Want To Rant About
There are political bilboards everywhere here, which I always find really funny because I always wonder how much those could sway the public's opinion. But what makes it funnier is that 96% of them have been vandalized in some way to reflect the oposite message they were intended to carry. They're all designed to carry some version of the message "I'm nice, vote for me" but then in angry scribbles some night maurader has written "No just kidding, I'm evil and not only do I have incorrect opinions, but I'm also morally bankrupt and potentially the devil? If you vote for me, you'll fall into that same category." Or you know, something to that effect.
The funniest part though is that THREE of those politicians that I've been seeing on billboards everywhere, actually showed up to stake conference. An interesting political move for sure, but an effective one because it imidiatetly endeared me to them. (Those little tricksters.) But if I had a vote, it would still belong to the guy who's signs I see vandalized most often. I don't know what he did to deserve all the hate, but the atonement is for everyone.
At the present though, I'm still not allowed to express political opinions publicly, so these are but idle musings.
Unnamed Section
We did service twice this week, both times in exchange for food. Yard work is my favorite activity ever, especially when I get food as a reward. (Which makes me excited for marriage.) One lady gave us Indian food which is my top 1, and the other lady gave us a whole week's worth of groceries, including a whole steak. We were so excited to not have to buy groceries, and we're able to instead waste that money away on drink. (2 liters of chocolate milk, and 2 liters of Banana milk.)
The purpose of this drink was to have a Halloween Party!! We bought some pizza, the milkshake, and had half a subway sandwich each and the spoils are pictured below. (Some of you sometimes suggest I make a Google photos album. I'd like to gently redirect all of you with "suggestions" to my customer support email provided previously. Or email Elder Whitchurch and air your grievances with him, he's always wanting more emails.)
The ward had a cultural night, where we got to represent one of the pacific islands. My ward represented Hawaii, and our dance was about a guy named Eto who eats everything, because he can't get enough food from just eating all the fish. I relate to Eto on a spiritual level. Luckily the cultural night also provided heaps of tongan food which was amazing. At the end one of the English wards did a tongan dance, and everyone in the room got so excited, there was screaming and cheering and jumping, wnd the tongan ward just hopped into the dance and it was the best.
Our president called us on Halloween to inform us of some "saftey concerns" but they actually had nothing to do with Halloween. They had to do with the Tonga versus Samoa rugby game that's happening Sunday night. Apparently people's excitement over the game sometimes edges towards "riotous living" and so we're not allowed to be out past 6 PM. I'm a little sad because riotous living is sometimes fun, and Tongans and Samoans know how to party like nobody else, but I guess he doesn't want us accidentally inciting any mobs. (I never incite voilence accidentally. Unless I have duolingo on my phone I guess.)
Stats:
Miles run: 209
Pushups: 13,820
Embark Level: 12
Accumulated Brownie Points: 535,280,288
# of Days I've been on the mission: ?
# of Days it feels like I've been on the mission: 1,301
Tongan Feeds: 3
Pictures:
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