Fire and Flood

I have waterproof shoes! AND a waterproof jumper!* This means I should be fully equipped to face a flood, so long as the flood in question doesn't cut corners, make under the table deals, and engage in disreputable buisness practice. Unfortunatly the unbearable deluge that we faced yesterday was anything but reputable. It was like taking a shower. The water came down in such thick waves that it instantly soaked the poor defensless servants of God who were biking in the rain. (We weren't entirely defensless, but it got past our defenses with aparent ease.) First my non, waterproof pants got wet. Then, my non waterproof hair. Then the stream of water dripped from my hair, took the back road of my shirt to get to the inside of my waterproof jumper, and soaked the non-waterproof inner lining. Then the water that soaked my pants streamed downward via gravity to soak my socks, and fill my still waterproof shoes. The waterproofness of my shoes then prevented any water from escaping so for the rest of the day my toes were submerged. But don't worry it's nothing a boot dryer can't fix.

Luckily the fire we faced this week was only metephorical, when our friend and his family recieved a baptism of water and fire. (Aka, the Holy Ghost for those of you unfamiliar with biblical prophesy.)

It's been a good week, but it's even better knowing I can tell all you wonderful people about it. Because you've all been so good at reading these emails** I've decided to reward you by this week generously warning you that next week my Pday will come one day later than usual. This is because there're souls in the spirit world whom I need to save really quick, and that's an activity that can only be conducted on New Zealand Tuesdays. Call me a watchman on the tower the way I know what's happening a full week from now for the first time ever.***

The baptism this week was such a cool miracle, and for sure was my highlight. (I have so many colors of highlighters, and that's my real highlight. I can mark my scriptures up in SO MANY WAYS!) Basically what happened is we set up a baptismal interview for our friend without putting him on date, cause we were full of fear that something would come up and he'd have to wait to get baptized. But! He got permission! So we told him the soonest date possible for his baptism (Just 6 days away at the time) because this man has faced SO much opposition. More than anyone I've ever helped before. We wanted to get him the Gift of the Holy Ghost before the BBEG got his claws into our friend, and we decided we'd get his kids ready after, cause we were less worried about then. But then! Our mission president called us up, and said: "Elders! I feel impressed to encourage you to baptize your friend's kids with him on Friday!" 

"But President, we haven't taught them anything."

"You can teach them by friday."

So we ran after our friend who was about to drive away, and asked each of his kids if they wanted to get baptized. Two of the three said yes. So we frantically started making calls, trying to get baptismal clothing and change the program so we'd have three baptisms on the day instead of one and also trying to figure out how to plan a baptism at all cause my companion and I have definitely never done this before. 

I pause to say that my companion and I are a dream duo for baptismal planning, because I worry about absolutely everything, and he worries about absolutely nothing. He's just not a big worrier, which is optimal for the comp synergy. So I was always like "We need to ask bishop about confirmations! We need to schedule baptismal interviews! We need to check the closets for clothes! Who's gonna print the programs? Who's gonna fill the font? How long does the font need to fill? WHAT IF THE WATER IS COLD AND OUR FRIENDS DECIDE NOT TO GET BAPTIZED AND PRESIDENT THINKS I'M A TERRIBLE MISSIONARY AND THIS ENTIRE NATION DWINDLED AND PERISHED IN UNBELIEF!!!!"

And then my companion always answered these Pergunta de Alma**** with a shrug and "I'm sure someone will take care of it. 

So between the two of us we got everything we needed to planned, and everything else someone took care of. (At least they didn't make me lead the music.)

It ended up being down to the wire, because we had the baptismal interviews over the phone with our DL all of half an hour before the baptism started, and the last interview concluded just as the programme***** began. Also our mission president pulled up to judge us the whole time, and I kept being worried he'd stand up and object to this union (between our friends and God) or something.******

The other miracle about this whole thing, was with our friend's daughter. She was the one with initial reservations about being baptized, not because she didn't want to, but just because of some other complications. She wasn't comfortable with being in the water, and didn't want to be baptized this week. We tried to convince her it'd be fine with every tactic at our disposal (we even resorted to calling the Sister Training Leaders to join us in a lesson) but we thought our efforts would be fruitless because the girl was pretty adament that we'd have to wait. BUT THEN! Everything worked out because the day before, the girl was completely on board and had no more reservations. That's God fufilling 1 Nephi 3:7 for you. 

After the baptism our newly baptized member definetley spent many minutes glazing us to our mission President. I think my president was skeptical, cause he's the skeptical type, but he did seem proud of Haffner and I. Our new member also said he'd been trying to figure out who he had to get permission from to have us missionaries stay the night at his house. My mission president just started laughing, and said "That would be me, and the answer is no." Our poor new member seemed a little dejected at that.

Other stuff this week (I call these things the "Big Plates of Malachi" since they aren't specifically "the things pertaning to righteousness," but more just a record of my proceedings in the land.)

Since my Mission President has been breathing out many threatenings to ban board games, I've been aquiring more board games. It's like trying to diversify your portfolio before a stock-market crash so that chances are you retain at least a few of your investments. (My brother Abe taught me this strategy.)

People looooove telling me I have perfect teeth. There was this one lady who took one look at me and went on a while rant about the "merits of western education" and how I was proof of why people pay so much money to send thier children to america. She talked about how the intelegence of those taught in "western" schools was no match for that of those taught in any other schools. I listened in horror as she slandered her own country's education system, and tried to assure her that there's many dumb people in america too. But then she started going on about my perfect teeth (which she also assumed was an American trait) and I was unable to convince her that my ability to articulate has less to do with my nationality and more to do with the fact that I have the spirit of God with me. 

She also told my companion his teeth were "pretty good." I also think it's funny because the "western education system" had (at best) a superficial role in my life.

We met an old Maori couple who were the cutest old couple ever. The old guy asked if they fed me in America, and I assured him they******* did. I told him I just ran a lot.

"You better stop that," he said. "If you get any thinner the wind will blow you away!" He also told me my hairstyle was from the 50s but I forgave him frankely when he gave us banana bread. They aslo gave us "milk and warm water" which contains exactly what the name sugests. It was good for dipping the banana bread in. 

My cards, which I still carry around, got soaked again by the rain. I'll let you know next week if they survive again. 

One of the members was meeting with us, and then whispered to one of the kids to go get us a chocolate. The kid came back with an entire sealed box of chocolates which he handed to us. I was instantly worried that the child had misunderstood his directions, and given us more chocolate than he'd been directed, so I didn't know if I was supposed to take the whole box or open it and take one or what. I ended up delaying the decision long enough that I forgot about the box until the end, and then it was too late and we had to take the whole thing. I definitely feel a little bad though, I hope they get some extra blessings for thier generosity just in case. 

Being (as I am) the most consecrated missionary in the mission, I reprogrammed my MetaAI that I have through messenger. I'm not sure if missionaries are supposed to have MetaAI but I don't think they've figured out how to block it without blocking Facebook  Messenger so I do have it. I reprgrammed mine though, to make me justify how having it answer a question or fufil a request will help me with my missionary purpose. It's really anoying now, and I love making my phone really anoying in order to decrease my screen time. Shout out to the time I changed safari's language to some arabic nonsense and made its browser go through bing, so that I didn't use my phone's safari. Unfortunatly Meta still doesn't have a comprehensive enough understanding of my missionary purpose to outsmart me if I really want it to give me stuff. (Like recepies, and the scores to football games. MetaAI banana bread is actually peak, and we're gonna try MetaAI waffles tonght. MetaAI is like the mother I never had.)

We were blessed to find an abandoned shack with a Maori guy and some fruit in it. 

Q&A

Q: "But MALACHI! How could a shack be abandoned AND contain a Moari guy?" 

A: Deaaaar reader. Abandoned is a vibe, not a state of being.

The Maori guy was selling fruit juice for $7, and we somewhat uneasily decided to try. (At Elder Ham's suggestion, I must admit.) The Maori guy basically just threw heaps of random fresh fruits into his juicer machine, with no aperant rhyme or reason. No overarching theme seemed to connect the array of fruits, beyond the guidence of his initial question "do you want it sour or sweet." I told him sour of course. Less than a minute later, he was puring an orangish liquid into my waiting cup. The shack is only open from like 9:30-3:30 on weekdays only, and that's the hours of a shop with extreme confidence in in product. Peak hours? Unheard of. Extra buisness on weekends? No need. Combo deals? Not a chance. Advertising? None whatsoever. The entire place was just a man and his juicer. And the resulting conconction made of fresh fruit juice was one of the best things I've ever tasted. Surely there's a good metaphor in there.

Anyway I hope you are all having lovely weeks. Excepting of course, those of you who complain about the length of these emails, or thier contents. Upon you, I wish only famine and sorrow. (Hopefully one of these days my mission teaches me how to be less spiteful.)

Stats:

Miles Run: 211 (only two new miles cause I became very ill throuout the week. I think the BBEG was trying to cook me before our friend's baptism, but I took to much Ibruprofen for that to work.)

Times I've been to taco bell: 4.5 (I included our last visit as 1.5 Visits. The reason why, is because I was feeling like getting a steal of a deal on a double meal that I could split with one of the other missionaries. All the other missionaries are ops though so I just got it anyway and split it with myself. By grapthar's hammer, what a savings.)

Baptisms: Sike guys I'm still not keeping track.

Island Ties Aquired: 5 (Got a sick new pink one.)

Embark Level: 13

Footnotes:

*New Zealand Word for Jacket. 

**those of you this doesn't apply to surely won't receive these words, much as those not of the house of Israel won't recognize the Book of Mormon

***There's this powerful scrying orb-esque invention called a "calander" that I've been using to tell the future. 

****Questions of the soul

*****Perhaps the british way of spelling it? Or our ward clerk just wanted to add charachter(s) to the programs. 

******I love my mission president, just for the record. He only speaks hard things against the wicked, accordng to the truth. The righteous he justifies, and testifies that they should be lifted up at the last day.

*******Is "they" society here? Because I don't know if society fed me at all. I demand a refund.

Pictures: (I made a special Goigle Photo album just for my 3 favorite people on this list, but for the rest of you, and for Elijah Horne, you can just have pictures at the end of my email.)

Featuring: 

-We found weights in someone's yard. We knocked thier door 3 times but they didn't answer, so naturally we started working out. I don't think that's soooooo crazy. But then they DID answer the door and told us not to lift thier weights. 

-The juice from the Maori guy

-Guess what happened.

-Devious tactics were used to kidnap this duckling.

Grinning Trickster Stirs Up Trouble

I've never understood why people engage in hazing practices before. It seemed so unnessisary and acomplishes so little. I say I've never understood it before, because this week we found out our flat (which is surely the most spiritually overpowered flat of all time) is staying the same except for one important change. We're getting a flat trainee. Technically Elder Ham is his trainer, but just as our flat shares the cereal and Laundry Detergent we made Elder Ham buy, the new missionary belongs to the whole flat. We're all his trainer. And brothers and sisters, mere moments after finding out we were training, I had the sudden, indescribably strong urge come over me. To haze the new missionary. So we hid his bed in our closet. I know it sounds like that violates the 8th, but he's not from America so he's not guaranteed to the same unalienable rights. Also, in my defense, I'm a slave to the envormnet in which I was raised, where my older brother one time turned my entire bed vertical just cause I didn't put away the dryer balls. And HE'S the one who took the dryer balls out of the dryer. But now I'm the one stirring up trouble. 

Good morning to all of you except those of you who take the dryer balls out of the dryer. To you, I can only say, there will be dire consequences. Thanks for taking the time to start reading this email. This week felt like two weeks that were both way shorter than even one week should be. It's impossible to describe it, so if you want to understand I encourage you to go on a mission.

Crazy People

- Our new flatmate Elder Maxton. He's crazy awesome ha ha. He's from scotland, and is super spiteful and always roasting us in his scottish accent which somehow hits 100x harder. He also says stuff like "half-nine" for Nine-thirty and "refrence incoming" when he's about to refrence something. He also sometimes says "bits and bobs" which is how much personal study you do when you don't have a lot of time. British humor is by far my top 1 favorite kind.

- We had a lesson with a guy who kept repeating how he had "lots of questions" and how every answer just brought him "more questions," but after spending an hour and a half with him I've decided that the reason he has so many questions is because he doesn't give the poor missionaries (who are just trying to answer every question with "Jesus" anyway) any chance to answer! Instead he just explained why any answer we provided would be invalid, and repeated "so I have lots of questions." We went to his house at 8, and at 9 our whole zone was freaking out because we weren't home yet. (we were supposed to be on a call where they told us transfer news. Don't worry, I won't make you sit through anything similar.) We finally got out around 9:20 and had to sprint home to avoid incuring the wrath of President. 

- Not a crazy person unfortunatly, but we taught an old inactive member this week about God, and when we told him God knew everything he got super excited. He asked if God knew all the martial arts movies, and I assured him He did. The guy we were teaching got super excited about that, and then asked if God knew everyone in Utah. He does. The guy asked if God knew everything on the internet. I promised that God knew even that. The guy sat back with an amazed look and just said "Wooow!" I honestly think all of us should react a little more like that guy when we think about the fact that God knows everything. Possessing all knowledge is such a mind boggling trait, and it's a comforting one too. That's a God I can worship. God even knows all the people in Utah. (That's YOU!) 

New Zealand Signs That I Want To Rant About

There are political bilboards everywhere here, which I always find really funny because I always wonder how much those could sway the public's opinion. But what makes it funnier is that 96% of them have been vandalized in some way to reflect the oposite message they were intended to carry. They're all designed to carry some version of the message "I'm nice, vote for me" but then in angry scribbles some night maurader has written "No just kidding, I'm evil and not only do I have incorrect opinions, but I'm also morally bankrupt and potentially the devil? If you vote for me, you'll fall into that same category." Or you know, something to that effect. 

The funniest part though is that THREE of those politicians that I've been seeing on billboards everywhere, actually showed up to stake conference. An interesting political move for sure, but an effective one because it imidiatetly endeared me to them. (Those little tricksters.) But if I had a vote, it would still belong to the guy who's signs I see vandalized most often. I don't know what he did to deserve all the hate, but the atonement is for everyone. 

At the present though, I'm still not allowed to express political opinions publicly, so these are but idle musings. 

Unnamed Section

We did service twice this week, both times in exchange for food. Yard work is my favorite activity ever, especially when I get food as a reward. (Which makes me excited for marriage.) One lady gave us Indian food which is my top 1, and the other lady gave us a whole week's worth of groceries, including a whole steak. We were so excited to not have to buy groceries, and we're able to instead waste that money away on drink. (2 liters of chocolate milk, and 2 liters of Banana milk.) 

The purpose of this drink was to have a Halloween Party!! We bought some pizza, the milkshake, and had half a subway sandwich each and the spoils are pictured below. (Some of you sometimes suggest I make a Google photos album. I'd like to gently redirect all of you with "suggestions" to my customer support email provided previously. Or email Elder Whitchurch and air your grievances with him, he's always wanting more emails.) 

The ward had a cultural night, where we got to represent one of the pacific islands. My ward represented Hawaii, and our dance was about a guy named Eto who eats everything, because he can't get enough food from just eating all the fish. I relate to Eto on a spiritual level. Luckily the cultural night also provided heaps of tongan food which was amazing. At the end one of the English wards did a tongan dance, and everyone in the room got so excited, there was screaming and cheering and jumping, wnd the tongan ward just hopped into the dance and it was the best.

Our president called us on Halloween to inform us of some "saftey concerns" but they actually had nothing to do with Halloween. They had to do with the Tonga versus Samoa rugby game that's happening Sunday night. Apparently people's excitement over the game sometimes edges towards "riotous living" and so we're not allowed to be out past 6 PM. I'm a little sad because riotous living is sometimes fun, and Tongans and Samoans know how to party like nobody else, but I guess he doesn't want us accidentally inciting any mobs. (I never incite voilence accidentally. Unless I have duolingo on my phone I guess.)

Stats:

Miles run: 209

Pushups: 13,820 

Embark Level: 12

Accumulated Brownie Points: 535,280,288

# of Days I've been on the mission: ?

# of Days it feels like I've been on the mission: 1,301

Tongan Feeds: 3

Pictures:

Sky Stretches to Shore

The work of the Lord never stops, but since my emails are only tangentially related to said W of the L, they occasionally take a pit stop for tire repairs. (Meaning there are some of you who are tired of my emails, and I wish to fix that.) I hope you all used your week off to catch up on the Malachi emails that you've hitherto left unread in your inbox. (I'm looking at those of you named Cade, and to a lesser extent those of you named after an all-meat diet.) Some of this email was written last week though, and so in your mind just go ahead and replace about 60% of the times I say the words "this week" in this email with the words "last week" and it should clear things up a little.

Thanks as always for being on the list, and for reading the emails. I know the number of you who finish these is dwindling, and sure to perish in unbelief if you're not careful. This week went by so fast due to an often forshadowed phenomenon called time's not real, but I do have a few stories for you, dear faithful readers. 

My mission president told me this week that "I should be doing better things with my time than playing silly games." He said it with all the energy of a disappointed mother telling her son to get off the Xbox, which felt uncalled for considering how I'm the most consecrated missionary in the mission and board games help me feel the spirit. (In a manner of speaking.) So, after I got over being greatly offended, I trained for and ran a half marathon with Elder Ham, since that's surely gotta be a better use of one's time. I ran up the mountains and have pictures of the stretching sky and the far off shores I overlooked. It was probably the prettiest run I've ever been on, and it reminded me of my days runnning half marathons every Saturday while I was in Quebec City. Since then, I've been trying to convince Elder Ham to run a full marathon with me, but he's convinced it is an activity that would cause "extreme fatigue" which activities are expressly forbidden by the standards. I'll let y'all know if I sway him.

At publishing time, I ran another half marathon, and two halfs make a full right?

We met a philosophy teacher, and that was a test of self control like none other, because we aren't allowed to teach him philosophy, just the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Spreading the good word of Utilitarianism is "not in line with my missionary purpose" or soemthing. He fed us some interesting Filipino desserts and offered us every drink he had in the house, 96% of which we had to refuse due to our religeon's supiror Wisdom. We eventually found some common ground though, and drank all his juice and all his diet coke. I didn't try to drink all of it, but he kept filling up our glasses and so I had little choice in the matter. It was cool cause he was really impressed with us, cause he said we were the most polite and eloquent 18 year olds he'd ever talked to. All credit to my parents and grandmas for the polite part, and credit to the Spirit confirming the truth of all things for the eloquence. (And a little credit to Sam and Elder Whitchurch and Sister Silveira and Reese and Elder Henage and Elder Henage and Zach and all the squad who made me good at talking. To those of you not on this list: you haven't sent me enough emails so I've forgotten you.)

Just kidding I could never forget you, my love is eternal, which means unconditional and without end. Ha ha.

My last Pday, (when I was ignoring you guys toxic-girlfriend style,) and you guys were all pining away wishing for my words of comfort and affirmation, I was busy having the best day of my life, jumping off cliffs and stuff. I wasn't even thinking about you, cause I don't need you in my life. (Now you see why I say it was toxic-girlfriend style. I'm definitely salty that most of your lives kept on without me, and the world kept spinning, and you guys didn't email me 600 times to ask what's wrong.)  

Basically we walked to these giant sand dunes by the beach, and they were the tallest sand dunes I've ever seen. And then at one point they drop down in this super steep slope that just looks like a giant cliff, but when you jump off, you LAND IN THE SAND AND DON'T DIE!! It's so much fun, cause you can't see over the edge so you just jump into the unknown and then you're fine. I feel like Maud'Dib for real.

We also played some spikeball on the beach, and played some soccer, and ate some Carl's Jr. which is super cheap here for no reason. I got 3 burgers and 2 things of fries for less than $10. I think Carl's is better here than in the states, but don't expect me to prove that claim because I didn't go much in the states, and when I had it here it was after 27 hours of fasting, so that may have given me a biased view of the experience. It was maravilha though. Afterwords Elder Ham talked me into getting a full Carmel shake because he's just that kind of friend. "If there's room for it, you need it" he wisely counciled. He also is trying to talk me into buying more New Zealand chocolate bars, and he's for sure doing the Lord's work because the chocolate here is heavenly. They have these bars called Whittaker's and they're genuinely the best chocolate bars on earth. (Don't expect me to prove that claim cause I'm a missionary and busy sharing the gospel.) 

Miracle!!!!

We met our friend Hemi. He's been our best  friend for ages, he just didn't know it. That's why he ghosted us for the first half of the transfer, and ignored us when we knocked on his door 17 times. But it's all good cause God wasn't about to let that slide (cause God loves Hemi heaps) so we miraculously caught him as he was walking inside one day, when we didn't even plan to visit him. He invited us in, and we had a super long lesson. He's facing so many challenges that have kept him from getting baptized for years. But!! As of this week he quit vaping entirely, and so we're going to help him! In every way we can, like for example we brought him some banana bread and soft pretzels. Making food is my favorite way to help people. We've also been visiting him every day ever since we caught him, and on Sunday he even brought his kids to church! His testimony is strong, and I've learned a lot from him. 

Journeys and Map Debocles

You may not know this but we don't live inside the area we're supposed to stay in at all times. We do have some bikes that can get us to said area in about 15 minutes, but if we're ever transporting items that we can't bike with (like pretzels and banana bread) then we have to bus to the area which takes more like 45 minutes. What's more, because of our distance from the flat, we can't really go back there for lunch or anything, which doesn't leave us many options beyond spending all our money or carrying a bulky lunchbox all day. One time though we raided the Tongan Elders' flat and ate all thier ramen for lunch and that was a very trasty food hiest. (Shout out Dan Wells for introducing me to this life of crime.) The worst part of taking buses and trains though is that sometimes they just randomly get canceled and we'll be left waiting at a station for like half an hour.

Notable Cuisine 

I'll just give you a brief overview, cause you're in a hurry and I'm not that smart.

- Me and Elder Ham convinced more than half our district to use the "vanilla flavor bomb" button on the soda machine to flavor thier water, promising the result would be life changing. We didn't specificy how changed thier life would be.

- Every morning I eat this ceral that's labeled "Protien Cereal!!!!" and I know it doesn't have that much protien, but it fills my little heart with joy every morning.

- I ate at an all you can eat buffet place where you grab raw meat and cook it yourself. They don't pay you to do the cooking for them, in fact you pay extra for the privilage of doing literally all the work. I was sent at the expense of some kind members though, and ate heaps of meat, so overall a positive expirience.

- Our area has a large indian population, and so I'm always walking by very good smelling houses with longing for indian food in my heart. But this week after doing service for a lady she fed us some AMAZING indian food and ho

memade naan and it surely brought a tear of joy to my eye. (Partly cause of the spyciness. But worry not, I order a spice level 7 at cup bop so I can take some spice. Not to brag or anything, but you know. Spice level 7 is no joke.)

Important Events

- A guy holding a guitar tried to give me a fist bump. I didn't know what was happening, and assumed he was handing me his guitar so I tried to take the guitar. This happened twice, and it was one of my rare less suave moments. 

- My companheiro and I agreed at the beginning of the transfer that we'd each have the shared sim card for half the transfer. I hate having the Sim card though because it means I have to text people and turn my phone off silent. So I'm constantly trying to scam my companion and make him keep the transfer. By the end I think he will have kept the Sim for like 5/6ths of the transfer, which is a great success.

- One sunday we were touched by a babe's tender song. The primary program is always fun, but I especially like watching the little siblings try to micromanage each other as they sing. One concerned older sister helped her younger brother sing slower,  sing faster, sing louder, stand straighter and come in sooner all in the course of one primary presentation. As often happens, many young children refused to deliver thier lines, and so thier parents apologetically did it for them. I love that Primary Presentations are the same all over the world.

- One of the missionaries gave me a hair cut, and he did such a good job that my hair looks exactly the same. (How could you improve on perfection?)

- I helped with a musical number at zone conference. I turned the pages for the pianist, and I did a fantastic job if I'm just being honest. I could turn pages professionally if I wanted to. Maybe I'll get an English major. Also check out our ✨️cute matching outfits✨️ in the pictures below!!

Stats:

Lessons taught: 36

Miles Run: 182

Lives saved: 1

Souls saved: ~0

Bunnies: 3

Island Ties Aquired: 4

Times I've gone to taco bell: 3

Member Meals (in this area): 4

Sacriment Meeting Talks: 2

Required Readings. (You know who you are)

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/matthew-o-richardson/brigham-young-university-visionary-house/?highlight=Stand%20up%20straight,%20smile,%20and%20remember%20who%20you%20are

I wanted to send this specifically to like 3 of you, but I was worried I'd forget if I didn't throw it on here. Lovely speech, you should all listen, but specifically the 3 of you this is intended for.

Pictures: 

(They for sure didn't all add, but hopefully you get the idea.)

Featuring

- Sand Cliff (steeper than it looks)

- I missed my calling as a model

- Muito Bonita

Additional photos:

Stop Mackie's Rest

 Some pictures sent during this emailless (😥) week:

This girl is the sister of one of Sam's Animation students

Boon of Ancient Memories

Before the great Samoan warrior was called Apulu, he was under siege by Tongans. I've never personally been under seige from Tongans, but I can't imagine it's a pleasent expirience for anyone. Tongans are scary even when they're not trying to kill you, which these particular enemies were. There were many of the Tongan warriors who were trying to kill the great Samoan warrior, and as they closed in on him he hid in a grove of trees. In those times there were no shields, (or if there were, he didn't know about them) so he couldn't defend himself from the arrows and rocks they threw at him, except by heroically cowering behind the trunks of the Pulu trees that made up the grove. (They were called Pulu trees because the sap inside them was called Pulu sap. I couldn't begin to guess why it was called Pulu sap, unless maybe it was named after the Pulu tree.) The warrior dodged behind the trees as his enemies surrounded him, and he was so quick in his movements that thier rocks and arrows hit the trunks of the Pulu trees instead of him.  (Turns out there were shields, just unconventionally sappy ones.) But still his enemies closed in. As the enemies got closer, however, and thier onslaught of cast projectiles continued to pelt the trees unceasingly, the Pulu sap spewed out of the trees behind which the warrior hid. In a fatal tactical miscalculation, the enemies got close enough to the trees that the sap got in thier eyes, blinding them. And then the great Samoan warrior emerged, and stepped on the faces of the blinded enemies. 

When the great Samoan warrior returned to the villiage, the villiage people were understandably awestruck. Many enemies had gone into the forest to kill the warrior, yet only he emerged, covered in Pulu sap that had spewed out of the trees, the only one alive. Because of his wisdom (to hide when he was being attacked) they made him the leader of thier tribe. And they called him Apulu, because of the Pulu sap he was covered in. 

Good evening brothers and sisters of the Malachi email list. I share the story above as related to us by an old man who was sitting quietly by the river, (with a wise and somewhat contemplative attitude) who told it to us when we asked his name. His name is Sepho, which is the Samoan version of Joseph, but his title is Apulu. 

I did a LOT of listening to old people this week, (each with varying levels of craziness) which made me really happy. The story of Apulu was not the only boon of ancient memories bestowed upon us, but the old man by the river was probably my favorite. Not to flex, but I bet none of you get to hear native Samoan legends in your spare time. If I wasn't on a mission right now my life would probably be a lot more "fun" in a conventional sense. I would be able to play Spirit Island every day instead of just once a week, and I'd get to listen to more tragic love songs, and hang out with all my friends. I'd be able to waste time whenever I wanted instead of just on special occasions. But I would have missed an old man's story about the origin of his name. (He was in good shape for an 87 year old, so maybe the story was even about his own experience. He for sure could have been a mighty warrior.) If I'd chosen to be home right now, my life wouldn't have felt any more empty but I would have missed out on that hidden treasure that we found sitting by the river. 

One of the old guys we talked to this week was the dad of one of our friends. When we came to tell our friend about General Conference he was busy sleeping, but his dad offered us fruit and so we chatted with him for a minute. He was an old Iranian guy who didn't understand much english, but he told us he'd become a painter in his old age, and showed us some of his paintings. (Picture of my favorite below.) But then he also told us his hobby was growing bonsai trees. He took us into his back yard, where there were probably a hundred little bonsai trees at different stages at growth. Some grew on top of cool garden ornaments, like birds or cars or turtles or whatever else. Each was a different type of tree. He lovingly showed us each, beaming with pride as he displayed them. He told us how the trees knew him, which I think is sweet. He also handmade his own backgammon set, and now he rocks up to tournaments and wins them. (He didn't tell us this, he's too humble. We heard it from the previous missionaries.)

As a fun bonus he gave us advice on how to stay skinny, so we could have "good face" AND "small stomach." He told us to eat 5 times a day, but very small meal each. I think he may have been a little horified by the vigor with which we devoured the fruit he gave us. My companion and I had to try so hard not to look at each other as he gave us the advice, because we just knew we'd burst out laughing. (Like my sisters when they sing "The Lord is my Shepherd")

We also talked to a philosopher! He was super fun to talk to cause he kept saying things like "Don't say jesus is the answer until you know what the question is. Beware of those who claim to have answers before they've heard the question." Which might've been super deep but my IQ isn't high enough to be sure. He told us how he went to lots of churches, but the speakers were never eloquent enough for him. We invited him to General Conference, but unfortunatly he didn't come. Hopefully he comes to our church sometime, and doesn't care that the speakers aren't eloquent. He gave us lots of advice on how to do a better job sharing the gospel, by "building relationships with people first" and "not starting with a gospel message, but just listening to them" and little did he know I was applying that advice right then with him as I listened to his sage advice. We wrote down lots of his tips after the meeting though, because you can learn from anyone.

The third old person we talked to this week was my mission president.* 

We showed up at our district council meeting, and he was sitting there, all scary like. Luckily we were only 2 minutes late, and there were others that were five minutes late. We texted them to hurry up and be on time, but President just shook his head, smiled a scary smile, and said "I've got this. Watch this." Then he called them and they immediately answered. 

It was fun having him there, I love my mission president. He also gave me and my companion a ride to our next apointment and told us about how he baptized his wife (who was his girlfriend then) and then left on his mission a month later. When he got back, they got married. It was a very in-charachter love story, and I loved the no-nonsense way he told it. When he tells stories he's the exact oposite of me, he does no embellishing and uses no colorful descriptive phrases.

"How'd you meet your wife?" 

"I baptized her, Elder. And then two year later I married her." Those were all the details I could get out of him, despite having a million questions about how that all worked.

He also brought us Maori fry bread to eat after our district meeting, and told us it would make our stomachs bigger. Little did he know, I was equipped with knowlege from the bonsai guy that would keep me skinny.

Everyone here wants to talk to us about politics, which is inconvenient because we're not allowed to talk about politics, and we just want to talk about Jesus Christ. But one of the old guys we talked to just had such interesting political opinions, that I found it hard not to engage. We found him sitting in this greenhouse place behind a government retirment comunity, and he beckoned us over for a chat. I didn't know at the time that It'd be a 2 hour chat about US politics. He also gave us an extensive account of his recent 30 day water fast, where he only drank water for 30 days. With the help of my companion I was able to mostly keep my responses to neutral "mmm"s but at one point he started asking very directly if we "noticed" certian things about certian politicians. (Why does this country even care about american presidents?) It was fun to hear his contradictory opinions and try to guess (internally) where on the political spectrum he was. Eventually he started talking about his elcesiastical leader though, and we thought it best to depart.

We also watched General Conference this week, and it was my favorite thing ever. I took so many notes. It's like we have an old tribal "wisdom of the elders" council from all the people smart enough to live to old age. Except they're also called and inspiried by God. I love having prophets on the earth that can tell us stuff. Like, for example "The Redeemer rescues us not by shortening our course but by helping us lengthen our stride." -Elder Dunn. Or "Jesus Christ loves to lift!" - Elder Kearon.

"Covenants are the credentials of eternity."

-Elder Bednar

"As covenant followers of Jesus Christ we show compassion to those in need. These divine appointments do not interupt our mission, they are our mission." 

-Elder Farns

I may have misquoted a couple of those, but you'll have to go relisten to all of general conference to be sure. 

Sorry I remembered one more. "A deciple is quick to help and slow to judge."

Okay I'm done now.

On Sunday, after conference, we went to pay our respects to a member of our ward who passed away. This is my second funeral this transfer (and third on the mish), which isn't my absolute favorite stat to rack up, but it is nice to hear the stories of the deceased. Sister Johansson's son told us about how since she was young, she loved being independent, and always wanted to start her own buisness, but her parents wouldn't let her. So, she told her parents she was taking her brother to school one day, and then she ran away to Fiji for a year. (It's not a strategy I would have ever thought of, but its a pretty effective one.) There she had a job, and fell in love with a rich guy, but then she missed her family so she left the guy she loved and came back. They tried to write letters but eventually lost contact, and so her mom's friend set Sister Johanssen up with her son.

Anyway, I cannot recount all the stories, but I loved learning them anyway. If any of you are considering a mission, just ask yourself when else in your life you'll have the time to listen to interesting people tell you about culture and stories that are important to thier lives. 

The basher from last week found us again. He stopped his car by us as we were walking, and was soooo mad at our church. But unfortunately there was a car behind himself he couldn't bash us as long as he wanted to. He told us to come to his house though so we could talk more, and said he had free apples for us. I always thought Sleeping Beauty was stupid for accepting free apples from a suspicious and hostile stranger, but now I get it, because we definitely walked alllllllllll the way to his house, and let me tell you. 

The free apples were delicious. 

Highlights of the week:

- Swinging on swings in the sunshine at a random park.

- Elder Parau cooking Crepes. 

- 1st Nephi chapter 2.

- Fun conversations.

The mission has really got me appreciating the little things more, which is really interesting considering I'm busier than I've ever been before. Still, I'm more frequently reminded to slow down. I just feel like it's easier to make me happy here.

Stats:

Spirit Island games: 13

Temple Visists: 4

Funerals: 3

Miles Run: 145.5

Pushups: 11,505

Times I've eaten Taco Bell: 1

Chapsticks used: 0.9

Lavalavas collected: 2

Love for all of you: 3,000

O pé caderno:

*He's not that old, but he called me short day 1, so this is my little way of retaliating. 

Pictures:

(See if you can guess which of the aforementioned old men is pictured below)